Death by Breakfast

If there's one thing that's been wrong with the UK so far it is the food hands down. Two days ago I was feeling adventurous and decided to try a new kind of peanut butter. Bad idea. It is the kind you have to mix up before you eat it, which is disgusting enough if you aren't expecting it. So I started my sandwich off by almost spilling peanut grease onto my laptop. I hoped it wasn't normal peanut butter gone-bad and set to work mixing it. It made the more horrible sound. Something between the sound of a cat working out a hairball and a dead octopus being repeatedly smashed onto a rocky beach by waves. It felt like I was eating tasteless peanut butter mixed with sweat and tears. To add to that, my loaf of bread got mangled by the slicer so I ended up with these deformed crusts. One end was super thick (2-3 slices wide) and the other was the normal size but had triangular pieces missing. In case you're wondering why I chose the retarded loaf, that company's bag is not see-through so I had no way of knowing. It wasn't my fault that time.

On my next trip to the store I found this abomination.


Who needs canned hot dogs. And what's with naming your company "Ye Olde Oak." They shouldn't be pretending to be old English, this is like selling canned America it just has to come with a baseball cap, a gun and a some processed cheese. To be honest, I almost bought it because it looked so heinous but then I realized I had no can opener and I'm really not interested in keeping it as a decoration.

At that point I stumbled across "Toad in the Hole" as I was looking through the frozen meals. It was so greasy I felt like I was eating a Gino's hair. It tastes amazing but I'm sure I'll be dead by supper time. I felt I wouldn't be able to describe it well enough so I took pictures. Get ready!

This is how it looks out of the box. Of the 6-for-4 meals it has the biggest package and comes with a foil tray. Hint: This may end horribly.


It's a little hard to tell in the other picture, but it looks like they dissolved a pig with some sort of special chemical and all that was left were eight sausages and a tray full of liquid hog. Then they froze it and sold it to the idiot from overseas that thought it looked like a traditional British meal.


Here it is cooked! Success? I don't think so. The middle of it looks sort of uncooked and there is a film of fat covering the top. Saying film is pretty generous given that it's about half a centimeter thick at some points.


I took a break from eating to write this blog. Like everything else, it tastes fairly good.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the nutritional information! I still have another one to eat so I don't want to think about that yet.